{"id":16412,"date":"2023-03-15T06:24:20","date_gmt":"2023-03-15T06:24:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/?p=16412"},"modified":"2023-04-26T08:04:36","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T08:04:36","slug":"the-quiet-coach-9","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/the-quiet-coach-9\/","title":{"rendered":"The Quiet Coach 9"},"content":{"rendered":"

What\u2019s your Critical Turtle saying when you\u2019re coaching?<\/h3>\n

We often start Navgati workshops by inviting participants to become aware of their Critical Turtle \u2013 this little invisible creature that sits on your left shoulder (or right) and keeps up a constant commentary all day long.<\/p>\n

A commentary filled with judgements about yourself; the other people around you; the process you are a part of. The main characteristic of the CT\u2019s chatter (mine is called Benjy and he wears large, round glasses) are that<\/p>\n

    \n
    a. It\u2019s so much a part of our heads that we sometimes don\u2019t even notice it\u2019s there<\/dd>\n
    b. We often accept it as true, unquestioningly<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

    For all of us who have been drawn to this profession because of the desire to help others, these critical voices are particularly strong when we feel we\u2019re not being of service to our clients.<\/p>\n

    When a coach doesn\u2019t stop to question the validity of these comments, depending on what the voices are saying, it could result in them<\/p>\n

      \n
      – not being fully present with the client<\/dd>\n
      – overdoing their part of the conversation<\/dd>\n
      – feeling exhausted and drained after<\/dd>\n
      – holding back from appropriately challenging the client<\/dd>\n
      – seeing themselves as not competent etc<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

      So how do we work with these beliefs that are limiting us as coaches?<\/p>\n

      Step 1:<\/h3>\n

      The first step, as always, is awareness. As part of our PCC<\/a> program, I often invite coaches to make a list of everything they\u2019re saying to themselves when they\u2019re coaching. Here are some that have come up:<\/p>\n

        \n
        \u2022 I must never deviate from the coaching process<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Boundaries must always be protected at all costs<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must always remember everything the client has shared<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 It\u2019s my job to make sure the client takes action\/achieves traction<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Clients must always see me as competent<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must always help my clients<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Everything interesting that comes up in a conversation must be explored<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Clients must not meander too much from the contract<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must be in control<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I should be able to solve the problem for the client<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 The client should always find an answer in 60 minutes<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 If we have not analyzed the underlying belief, it is not deep enough work<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must always add value to my client<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Conversations have to move and that responsibility is mine<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I have to make sure the conversation has a structure<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 The client must have a solution at the end<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 There has to be a happy ending<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must analyze the problem statement before coaching<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 Things have to make sense to me before I can help<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 People should see things for what they are<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I cannot confront clients<\/dd>\n
        \u2022 I must always confront clients<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

        The next time you\u2019re in a coaching conversation, take five minutes after the conversation and answer these questions<\/p>\n

          \n
          – What was I holding to be true in this conversation \u2013 about me; about the client and about their situation?<\/dd>\n
          – What pressure did I put on myself in this conversation?<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

          Do some stream of consciousness writing and pay attention to any musts\/should\/have tos that come up.<\/p>\n

          Step 2:<\/h3>\n

          Do some self-coaching (or work with a supportive peer) and ask yourself some disputation questions (that you\u2019re probably good at asking your clients)<\/p>\n

            \n
            – Is this really true?<\/dd>\n
            – What evidence is there to support this belief? What evidence do you have against it?<\/dd>\n
            – Have you seen this happening to anyone else\/at all?<\/dd>\n
            – Would people who care about you\/work with you agree with this?<\/dd>\n
            – How might an outsider view this situation?<\/dd>\n
            – How would you see this if it were happening to a fellow coach?<\/dd>\n
            – Does it help you, or stop you, from getting what you want? How?<\/dd>\n
            – What might be the outcome of looking at things in a different way?<\/dd>\n
            – What is the price you have to pay for holding onto this?<\/dd>\n
            – What would your coaching be like if you didn\u2019t have this?<\/dd>\n
            – What are your strengths here?<\/dd>\n
            – What pressure are you putting on yourself? Is that realistic?<\/dd>\n
            – What is the worst case scenario?<\/dd>\n
            – What is in your control?<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

            Hopefully, in this process, you\u2019re starting to realise that not all of these voices are true.<\/p>\n

            Step 3:<\/h3>\n

            Articulate some permissions you\u2019d like to give yourself (and put them up somewhere you can see them when you\u2019re coaching). Here are some that my last PCC batch came up with:<\/p>\n

              \n
              – It\u2019s ok for the client to stay with their truth<\/dd>\n
              – It\u2019s ok for the client to decide what value they seek<\/dd>\n
              – It\u2019s ok for the client to take their time\/determine the pace and direction<\/dd>\n
              – It\u2019s ok for me to ask the client what they want next<\/dd>\n
              – Clients take value; I don\u2019t give it<\/dd>\n
              – All situations don\u2019t have happy endings in life<\/dd>\n<\/ol>\n

              I\u2019d love to hear from you \u2013 what\u2019s your Critical Turtle been saying to you and what permissions can you give yourself to counter that? <\/p>\n

              For more information about our ICF accredited coach training programs, please click here \u2013 http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/icf-accredited-coach-training\/<\/a>.
              \nCheck out               http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/executive-coaching\/<\/a> for more information about the leadership coaching we offer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              What\u2019s your Critical Turtle saying when you\u2019re coaching? We often start Navgati workshops by inviting participants to become aware of their Critical Turtle \u2013 this little invisible creature that sits on your left shoulder (or right) and keeps up a constant commentary all day long. A commentary filled with judgements about yourself; the other people […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17440,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-coaching"],"yoast_head":"\nCoaching skills | ICF coach training | Navgati<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A weekly blog focusing on coaching skills and various aspects of ICF coach training along with tips and techniques to keep our collective learning as coaches ongoing\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/the-quiet-coach-9\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta 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