{"id":17627,"date":"2023-05-09T05:32:23","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T05:32:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/?p=17627"},"modified":"2023-05-09T07:06:59","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T07:06:59","slug":"the-quiet-coach-13","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/the-quiet-coach-13\/","title":{"rendered":"The Quiet Coach – 13"},"content":{"rendered":"

Concluding our series on becoming naturally therapeutic<\/h3>\n

If you\u2019ve encountered this post first, please take a look at the previous two in this series.
\nAll three posts are based on the therapeutic traits that Jacquelyn Small describes in her lovely book \u201cBecoming naturally therapeutic\u201d \u2013 and while coaches aren\u2019t therapists, there is much we have in common and so understanding these traits can be very helpful for practising coaches.<\/p>\n

Self-disclosure<\/h3>\n

This is the act of sharing our own feelings, attitudes and experiences with a client in an effort to help them.<\/p>\n

Here are two examples<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
Client<\/td>\n I\u2019ve been thinking about how to give feedback to my manager that she\u2019s living in a bubble; I\u2019d like to think through how I handle that conversation.\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Coach<\/td>\nOh yes, I\u2019ve been there too. When I was in my last job, I had this manager who really wasn\u2019t competent (launches into a long story)<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

\n <\/p>\n<\/h3>\n\n\n\n\n\n
Client<\/td>\n(looking really troubled) I\u2019m really anxious about the future of my team \u2013 I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking about what\u2019s going to happen, if there will be layoffs. And I just can\u2019t let anyone see me like this \u2013 if I talk to anyone at work, they will think I\u2019m weak.\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Coach<\/td>\nI know how you feel. It\u2019s been tough for me as a leader to show my anxiety too\u2026..I\u2019ve been told all my life that leaders have to be strong and not display any concern\u2026.have you heard that too?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Client<\/td>\nYes!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

<\/p>\n

Which one is a good example of self-disclosure? I\u2019m hoping you say the second because otherwise, I\u2019ve written these really badly.<\/p>\n

Good self-disclosure helps the client normalise their feelings or reactions; extremely helpful when the client is feeling alone or judging themselves for being a certain way. It depends a great amount upon timing and on the intent of the coach in sharing it. When done well, the client feels safe, seen and accepted \u2013 without feeling like the coach has made it about themselves.<\/p>\n

Can you think of examples from your own work where self-disclosure on your part helped the client?<\/p>\n

Confrontation<\/h3>\n

This is a skill used to bring people face to face with reality when the coach observes a discrepancy between<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. What the client is saying and your perception of what they are experiencing<\/li>\n
  2. What they are saying and what you heard them say earlier<\/li>\n
  3. What they are saying to you in this moment and their actions in everyday life<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Unfortunately confrontation has become a loaded word with negative connotations (\u201cI\u2019m going to confront my friend about her lie\u201d) \u2013 here we\u2019re talking about helpful confrontation which brings the client into more direct contact with their own experience.<\/p>\n

    But this has the possibility of harm so you have to be very careful in how and when you use it in coaching; seek supervision before you do it in case you are unsure.<\/p>\n

    Here are some questions you can ask yourself before deciding to use confrontation with a client<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Is there enough trust between me and the client?<\/li>\n
    2. Am I confronting behaviours that my client can do something about?<\/li>\n
    3. Am I making my confrontation positive and constructive rather than negative and punitive?<\/li>\n
    4. Am I being direct and clear?<\/li>\n
    5. Am I representing facts as facts, feelings as feelings and inferences as inferences?<\/li>\n
    6. Have I told my client what is motivating me to confrontation?<\/li>\n
    7. Will my client see it as an example to self-explore?<\/li>\n
    8. Are they open to seeing how they are experienced by others?<\/li>\n
    9. Can the client tolerate the discomfort that may result from the confrontation?<\/li>\n
    10. Do they believe I care about them?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Here are some examples of how a coach can handle confrontation in a sensitive and delicate manner. The book describes five different kinds of confrontation \u2013 in all of them, as a coach, make sure you ask for permission and make it clear that this is your perception\/observation and that you are interested in hearing how the client sees it.<\/p>\n

      Experiential confrontation<\/h3>\n

      When the coach observes a discrepancy between what the client is saying and how they are saying it<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
      Client<\/td>\n I think I\u2019m ok to manage this meeting (drumming fingers on the table and shaking his leg as he says this).\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
      Coach<\/td>\nI see that you are looking somewhat restless as you say that \u2013 am wondering what\u2019s going on underneath that statement. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

      Strength confrontation<\/h3>\n

      When the client is \u201cpretending weakness\u201d in the area where the coach knows or suspects the client has strength.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
      Client<\/td>\n (drooping in chair) I just don\u2019t know how to go about building relationships with stakeholders.\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
      Coach<\/td>\nIs it ok if I challenge you a little on that? A couple of weeks ago you were talking about your last job and all the meaningful relationships you built. You spoke about five or six clear strategies that you used to establish those relationships. What\u2019s going on for you today when you say you don\u2019t know how to do this? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

      Weakness confrontation<\/h3>\n

      When the coach observes a client playing tough to avoid an obvious difficulty they are having.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
      Client<\/td>\n (looking defiant and agitated) I have no friends at work and I. Just. Don\u2019t. Care. (almost spitting out the words)\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
      Coach<\/td>\n(gently) I\u2019m hearing you say you don\u2019t care but I\u2019m sensing anger underneath that \u2013 the image that comes to mind is of a child who\u2019s being ignored on the playground. How do you feel as I say that? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

      Action confrontation<\/h3>\n

      When the client is avoiding movement towards an agreed upon goal<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
      Client<\/td>\n I know I had said I would get feedback from my stakeholders but somehow that didn\u2019t happen; lots of things came up.\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
      Coach<\/td>\nIs it ok if I share something? I\u2019ve noticed a couple of times in our work that when you decide to take an action that involves conversation with the senior people in your life, something seems to get in the way and you don\u2019t take those actions. You\u2019re very committed to other actions and they get done so I\u2019m wondering what\u2019s going on for you here. <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

      Factual confrontation<\/h3>\n

      When the client is saying something that is clearly factually incorrect and the coach shares some facts to correct that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
      Client<\/td>\n If I don\u2019t get a job in three months, I will be deported.\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
      Coach<\/td>\nI\u2019m wondering if that is true \u2013 I seem to remember you telling me that you had two years from the time you completed your degree to find a job and it\u2019s only been six months since you graduated? <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

      For more information about our ICF accredited coach training programs, please click here \u2013 http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/icf-accredited-coach-training\/<\/a>.
      \nCheck out       http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/executive-coaching\/<\/a> for more information about the leadership coaching we offer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Concluding our series on becoming naturally therapeutic If you\u2019ve encountered this post first, please take a look at the previous two in this series. All three posts are based on the therapeutic traits that Jacquelyn Small describes in her lovely book \u201cBecoming naturally therapeutic\u201d \u2013 and while coaches aren\u2019t therapists, there is much we have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":17630,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","category-coaching"],"yoast_head":"\nCoaching skills | ICF coach training | Navgati<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A weekly blog focusing on coaching skills and various aspects of ICF coach training along with tips and techniques to keep our collective learning as coaches ongoing\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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