{"id":20095,"date":"2024-02-27T08:22:55","date_gmt":"2024-02-27T08:22:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/?p=20095"},"modified":"2025-10-14T12:04:37","modified_gmt":"2025-10-14T12:04:37","slug":"understanding-my-recurrent-patterns-using-discounting-and-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/projects.rapidmind.in\/navgati\/understanding-my-recurrent-patterns-using-discounting-and-games\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding my Recurrent Patterns Using Discounting and Games"},"content":{"rendered":"

I understand a recurrent pattern as something that I repeat unconsciously over and over again. I use the concepts of Discounting and Games to describe recurrent patterns, which I learned in my TA101<\/a> program.<\/p>\n

Discounting<\/a> <\/strong>
\nSchiffs defined Discounting as a \u201crefusal to acknowledge or consider the information most relevant to the situation. Instead, a person acts from an internal frame of reference about what he thinks, believes, or imagines, ignoring what another person has actually said, done, or felt\u201d<\/i> (Schiff, 1975, p. 36). <\/p>\n

Discounting leads to passivity. Schiff defines Passive behaviour as, \u201cbehaviour by which you avoid an autonomous response to stimuli, issues and options\u201d <\/i>(Schiff, 1975, p.10).<\/p>\n

The Schiffs identified four behaviours as passive – doing nothing, over-adaptation, agitation, incapacitation or violence. I recognise that doing nothing and overadaptation are recurrent ways I respond to stressful situations.<\/p>\n

Example 1:<\/strong>
\nDuring the lockdown last year, I had to cook for a family of seven with very little help. Though I realize now that I could have let go of many things and made my life much simpler, I did nothing on that front but instead over-adapted myself. Over-adaptation is accepting whatever is happening and going along with it without any active response or resistance. I didn\u2019t consider what I wanted but adapted to what I believed were the desires and expectations of others. For instance, I could have lowered my cleanliness quotient and let go of many chores or cooked fewer items or asked my family for help. Instead, I discounted my ability to change things by acting on these options. So here my \u201cPlease Others\u201d and \u201cBe Perfect\u201d Drivers were at play. I was internally replaying my script belief \u201cI\u2019m only OK if I keep my home spotlessly clean\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m only OK if I please my family by cooking varieties of dishes\u201d. And above all, I completely discounted my effort, my contribution, and my significance as a person by thinking \u201cwhat I am doing is not a big deal\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe person who discounts believes or acts as though some aspect of the self, other people, or reality is less significant than it actually is. Impact is reduced, usually purposefully, to maintain a frame of reference, to play games, to further script, and to attempt to enforce or confirm symbiotic relationships with others.\u201d<\/em> (Mellor and Schiff, 1975, p. 295).<\/p>\n

Over-adaptation finally took a toll on my health. This was like a wake-up call for me. I challenged many of my beliefs. The new awareness that \u201cI am Important\u201d and the realization that \u201cI am OK\u201d whether I follow the Driver messages was an eye opener. I questioned many of my standards around cleanliness and started letting go of these in many areas. I decided to attend to my feelings. It was important for me to be happy. These realizations have been such a liberating experience for me. When compared with the last lockdown, I can see a marked difference in my behavior during this lockdown. I have become very flexible and accommodating when it comes to what I want or how I feel. Now, I cater food from outside a few days a week and I am OK if the floor is not mopped for 2-3 days or I have not baked in weeks. \u201cI will get to it when I get to it\u201d I tell myself. Also, I have assigned specific chores to my kids so that I get more time for myself to relax.<\/p>\n

Example 2:<\/strong>
\nAnother example of my discounting which manifested in me showing passivity, specifically \u201cdoing nothing\u201d was when I started writing my SAATA exam. After much effort, I wrote my first answer and got it supervised. I had planned on starting my second answer immediately after. But I kept postponing it. I said to myself \u201clet me give myself a break for a few days\u201d. Few days turned into few weeks and weeks into months. I couldn\u2019t get myself to sit and focus. I started feeling frustrated. But still I did nothing. After wasting more than 2 months, I knew I had to pull up my socks. \u201cBut what can I do if I am not getting any inspiration\u201d, I told myself. Though I felt momentarily justified by this statement, in reality, my problem still persisted. I was not taking any steps to solve my problem.<\/p>\n

To understand the nature and intensity of discounting, I have used the discount matrix developed by Ken Mellor and Eric Sigmund. (TAJ, 1975). <\/p>\n

Discounting can be categorized into 3 types – <\/p>\n